i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
