I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
