Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
