Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
