i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Randomize
