what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
