Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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