It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
