I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
