remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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