i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
