My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
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