seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize