Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
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