Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
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