Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Ketchup is God's man juice
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Randomize
