just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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