Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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