I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Randomize
