im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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