If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Randomize