You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
