I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
