Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
