Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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