Who did Billy Mays play for?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm like, not good at living.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
