Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
