We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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