We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
