My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize