Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
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Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
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I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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