My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
