please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I have already put on my inside pants.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Randomize
