A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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