There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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