I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
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Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
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I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?