My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
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I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
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He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.