hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
