Fine. I'll sleep in my office
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
No subtext here. People are naked.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
