oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
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