god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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