so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
