Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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