He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
