I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize