I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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