Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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