I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
