Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
