my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
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