You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
