the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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