i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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