I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
