Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
