she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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