How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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