so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
