So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
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i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
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Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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